Currently Playing:Allure", Jay-z
this song is RAW musical genius....i've been feeling GREAT.
the company's shaping up quite well. I had a meeting with an independent photographer this morning...this dude is NICE..i wanna get him on board for this project we're working on...this dude is VERY talented and will be fine with us.
Things are going well. we were working hard as hell last night to get our website content out to our designer.....it is what it is
talked to shorty last night...very brief convo but it's not so bad now...i need a shapeup before i hit up Rob's party...i love being my own boss
Successful Black Men,Arrogance and How It Can Affect Their Relationships
So, my business partner and I were having a convo about how success can change people. I argued that, as a young black man in America who's on his way to big things, i have EVERY right to be arrogant and aggressive in my demands for things i want/need, females included.
I'm 22. College Educated (or in the process). Entrepreneur and President of a REAL marketing organization. Black and proud. Smart. Perceptive. Analytical. Knows What He Wants. Aggressive.
so why is it that because I know my value as a black male and am quick to let people know i know it, i'm the "angry black guy" or the "arrogant guy with a big mouth"
"Everyone looks at you strange, say you changed/ like you worked that hard to stay the same..."
like my dude Katt Williams said, "If you're doing the same shit you been doing since last year, i can't even fuck with you..."
Enter the topic of "independent women". Touchy subject to me. I like females who can pay their own way. cheaper on my pockets. of course, if the relationship is strong and we have mutual respect/"like" for each other, i dont mind paying. Difference between paying and tricking. Paying-you're enjoying the shit you do regardless of her being there. For instance, i like Pizza and going to new places. Her being there just gives me company and someone to share laughs and sarcastic comments with. Tricking-"I wanna take you to this expensive ass restaurant, even though i dont know you from Adam." You ALWAYS have to feel a chick out to see if she's worthy of your standards....
either way, I REALLY think i'm at a stage in my life where it's totally Machiavellian. if you're not in my intimate circle, which is extremely hard to get into depending on how i see you, you dont need to be around me unless it's professional or academic. I have friends who i love etc...but i tend to be very sarcastic to associates. i have a reputation of being an asshole. i call it insurance. if you could stand that/stand up to it, i definitely can rock with you....i was thinking about shorty's asking me if i'd outgrow her and me not being able to give her a straight answer. i think her perception of me is that I can be with people only so far as they serve my ends. I dont blame her for thinking that way, but it's more like: "I'm young, black, starting off my company; i cant have wack chicks in my circle how arent doing anything for themselves."
so then the convo changed to "Certain women are irreplaceable"...i recall having see A Bronx Tale, and Sonny tells Calogero, that you only get three truly great women in your lifetime. i guess for me, it's be my mom (she's been through a shitload of stuff. i havent been the best son, but i'm maturing now and learning to appreciate her sacrifice.), my aunt Carmen (who's been like a second mom to me) and ________, who is yet unknown to me, but known to the Higher Power. For now, Shorty made a good impression on me, but i feel VERY distant, due to the schedule conflicts. I've done a lotta things with her that i havent done for a girl ever, not to get too into depth lol and no i didnt eat the box. i truly think that we are destined to love at least one member of the opposite sex, and that person will always be in our minds. me, im on some shit right now where it's like:
"ok, she doesnt want me. it hurts. but too bad. i'm a great catch. ill find more."
females HATE hearing that shit. but they know it's right. why should a dude have to wait for you to stop your dilly dallying, just so he could be with you. there's a lotta females out there, you should be scrambling to make the best impression. esp with men who know they got it, like myself, i think we have limited tolerance...but i'll keep it funky. i still like shorty but i'm getting to a point where i couldnt be with her anyway based on this sex stuff and all that. me being 22, i'm gonna want to tap something. the shit is torture, not having sex with a girl you like. but i cant even fault that. if i had a daughter (and i hope i dont cuz i'd be the asshole father), i'd want her to have standards. but yet, at the same time, i showed i meant no harm, had my head on straight (save for a few rants lol), etc. it's hardwired into all young men. we need (). and i really think females are better at holding out that we are.
it's just this simple fact: We're a society based off convenience. We want the easiest workable option. At the same time, i've never been the type to wait for anything i wanted. i always threw a tantrum or let it be known (however blunt) that i want what i want. Part of me just doesnt think the time is right right now at least. But at the same time i DONT take rejection well. i want NOTHING to do with that person, at least until i get my head/ego over being rejected....it's like this rant goes on in my head
"Wait.....I've seen some of your past boyfriends or know what they were like...you mean to tell me, you're rejecting me...a 22 year old, decent looking entrepreneur...for who? a bum ass, lazy, no good bum? you cant be serious!!!"...and yes, having my own company has given me a degree of arrogance. Sorry, cant please everyone!!..you try being in school, working another job to supplement your income AND running your own business then come try to tell me shit. didnt think so.
People who know they have a certain magnetic quality will ALWAYS use it. bar none. My friend said the biggest thing with independent women is that they let men know that they arent necessarily needed. i cant even front. As a male with a huge ego, it hurts pride to know that a female you're interested in doesnt make you her end all be all. me, personally, i LOVE female attention. i dont like nagging, but depending on my attraction for and quality of said female, i dont mind talking to her and picking her brain. and that's coming from someone who usually has a short fuse for females talking about nothing when in conversation with me. It's a turn on, this independence bit, but it's like you, as a man, you love knowing that you're needed/wanted. just another complexity of life
but it's still MOB to me. people ask about my relationships and all this. i tell em. My job is my main right now. them girls will be there...and in my case, they ALWAYS end up worse than when i left them next time i see then. so it is what it is.
Song Of The Day: Stick To The Script, Jay-z and Beans <>
I'm 22. College Educated (or in the process). Entrepreneur and President of a REAL marketing organization. Black and proud. Smart. Perceptive. Analytical. Knows What He Wants. Aggressive.
so why is it that because I know my value as a black male and am quick to let people know i know it, i'm the "angry black guy" or the "arrogant guy with a big mouth"
"Everyone looks at you strange, say you changed/ like you worked that hard to stay the same..."
like my dude Katt Williams said, "If you're doing the same shit you been doing since last year, i can't even fuck with you..."
Enter the topic of "independent women". Touchy subject to me. I like females who can pay their own way. cheaper on my pockets. of course, if the relationship is strong and we have mutual respect/"like" for each other, i dont mind paying. Difference between paying and tricking. Paying-you're enjoying the shit you do regardless of her being there. For instance, i like Pizza and going to new places. Her being there just gives me company and someone to share laughs and sarcastic comments with. Tricking-"I wanna take you to this expensive ass restaurant, even though i dont know you from Adam." You ALWAYS have to feel a chick out to see if she's worthy of your standards....
either way, I REALLY think i'm at a stage in my life where it's totally Machiavellian. if you're not in my intimate circle, which is extremely hard to get into depending on how i see you, you dont need to be around me unless it's professional or academic. I have friends who i love etc...but i tend to be very sarcastic to associates. i have a reputation of being an asshole. i call it insurance. if you could stand that/stand up to it, i definitely can rock with you....i was thinking about shorty's asking me if i'd outgrow her and me not being able to give her a straight answer. i think her perception of me is that I can be with people only so far as they serve my ends. I dont blame her for thinking that way, but it's more like: "I'm young, black, starting off my company; i cant have wack chicks in my circle how arent doing anything for themselves."
so then the convo changed to "Certain women are irreplaceable"...i recall having see A Bronx Tale, and Sonny tells Calogero, that you only get three truly great women in your lifetime. i guess for me, it's be my mom (she's been through a shitload of stuff. i havent been the best son, but i'm maturing now and learning to appreciate her sacrifice.), my aunt Carmen (who's been like a second mom to me) and ________, who is yet unknown to me, but known to the Higher Power. For now, Shorty made a good impression on me, but i feel VERY distant, due to the schedule conflicts. I've done a lotta things with her that i havent done for a girl ever, not to get too into depth lol and no i didnt eat the box. i truly think that we are destined to love at least one member of the opposite sex, and that person will always be in our minds. me, im on some shit right now where it's like:
"ok, she doesnt want me. it hurts. but too bad. i'm a great catch. ill find more."
females HATE hearing that shit. but they know it's right. why should a dude have to wait for you to stop your dilly dallying, just so he could be with you. there's a lotta females out there, you should be scrambling to make the best impression. esp with men who know they got it, like myself, i think we have limited tolerance...but i'll keep it funky. i still like shorty but i'm getting to a point where i couldnt be with her anyway based on this sex stuff and all that. me being 22, i'm gonna want to tap something. the shit is torture, not having sex with a girl you like. but i cant even fault that. if i had a daughter (and i hope i dont cuz i'd be the asshole father), i'd want her to have standards. but yet, at the same time, i showed i meant no harm, had my head on straight (save for a few rants lol), etc. it's hardwired into all young men. we need (). and i really think females are better at holding out that we are.
it's just this simple fact: We're a society based off convenience. We want the easiest workable option. At the same time, i've never been the type to wait for anything i wanted. i always threw a tantrum or let it be known (however blunt) that i want what i want. Part of me just doesnt think the time is right right now at least. But at the same time i DONT take rejection well. i want NOTHING to do with that person, at least until i get my head/ego over being rejected....it's like this rant goes on in my head
"Wait.....I've seen some of your past boyfriends or know what they were like...you mean to tell me, you're rejecting me...a 22 year old, decent looking entrepreneur...for who? a bum ass, lazy, no good bum? you cant be serious!!!"...and yes, having my own company has given me a degree of arrogance. Sorry, cant please everyone!!..you try being in school, working another job to supplement your income AND running your own business then come try to tell me shit. didnt think so.
People who know they have a certain magnetic quality will ALWAYS use it. bar none. My friend said the biggest thing with independent women is that they let men know that they arent necessarily needed. i cant even front. As a male with a huge ego, it hurts pride to know that a female you're interested in doesnt make you her end all be all. me, personally, i LOVE female attention. i dont like nagging, but depending on my attraction for and quality of said female, i dont mind talking to her and picking her brain. and that's coming from someone who usually has a short fuse for females talking about nothing when in conversation with me. It's a turn on, this independence bit, but it's like you, as a man, you love knowing that you're needed/wanted. just another complexity of life
but it's still MOB to me. people ask about my relationships and all this. i tell em. My job is my main right now. them girls will be there...and in my case, they ALWAYS end up worse than when i left them next time i see then. so it is what it is.
Song Of The Day: Stick To The Script, Jay-z and Beans <>
FUN
had a blast @ Mandy's BBQ yesterday...
grandaunt's in town so i gotta see her later
gotta do three drafts of website designs so i gotta get that poppin.
grandaunt's in town so i gotta see her later
gotta do three drafts of website designs so i gotta get that poppin.
Still On My Grind...Young Gifted and Black!!!!
Sup!!!!
i feel WAYYYYYYYYYY better....had a meeting with a young lady from Atlantic Records who's in the Video Promo department...my man Chris set it all up, so i owe him one..the meeting went EXTREMELY well...so we're just gonna get the ball rolling on that...currently drafting website design ideas, so as to map everything out...i feel a bout of workaholism coming on for this weekend...yet i'm going ot Mandy's BBQ and seeing my grandaunt on Sunday...and that's supposed to be the day of rest
having my own company at 22?...it's a blast, but requires a TON of sacrifce..my boys want me to come chill and all that but i just got in a while ago and i dont feel like doing anything but blogging and playing Gears of War and watching The Wire and IMing and...!!!! ahh the life of a busy man...also...i'm giving up the weed and dark liquors for now..straight Heniekens and soda when it social events.
shorty called last night...kept it to about 3 minutes...my rage still hasnt subsided fully...and i'm the type to just say my mind recklessly when i'm upset so....i kept it brief. she called again this morning but w/e...i still like her but if she aint ready, no need to force it. it is what it is...
im feeling myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brush that dirt off!!!
i feel WAYYYYYYYYYY better....had a meeting with a young lady from Atlantic Records who's in the Video Promo department...my man Chris set it all up, so i owe him one..the meeting went EXTREMELY well...so we're just gonna get the ball rolling on that...currently drafting website design ideas, so as to map everything out...i feel a bout of workaholism coming on for this weekend...yet i'm going ot Mandy's BBQ and seeing my grandaunt on Sunday...and that's supposed to be the day of rest
having my own company at 22?...it's a blast, but requires a TON of sacrifce..my boys want me to come chill and all that but i just got in a while ago and i dont feel like doing anything but blogging and playing Gears of War and watching The Wire and IMing and...!!!! ahh the life of a busy man...also...i'm giving up the weed and dark liquors for now..straight Heniekens and soda when it social events.
shorty called last night...kept it to about 3 minutes...my rage still hasnt subsided fully...and i'm the type to just say my mind recklessly when i'm upset so....i kept it brief. she called again this morning but w/e...i still like her but if she aint ready, no need to force it. it is what it is...
im feeling myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brush that dirt off!!!
Stick To The Script
took a L with shorty...i loved her but it just aint poppin right now....she's busy, i'm busy...seemed to use my work as an excuse for us not to talk....had a long talk on Monday....deleted her # right after that...talking all this "I'm busy" shit...i'm busy but i made time for her because i liked what she brought to the table....wouldnt be shocked if she met someone or if someone's putting the battery in her back. my dilemna is:"Do I take her back after she's done doing whatever she's doing?"....or "Do I just completely ice her outta my life?" i NEVER talk to any of my exes...too much headaches and shit. she was determined to be in my life or w/e..."I want you in my life longterm and i only told that to one other guy (yeah right)"...so it's on her...i deleted her # and texts, but i'll know her # when i see it.
the part that i'm trying not to let gas me is that she says she'll be studying for a financial test in December just so i know...i might be grapsing for air but a little part of me wants to just milk that for what it's worth. but still she ran textbook 101 game on me...
the part that i'm trying not to let gas me is that she says she'll be studying for a financial test in December just so i know...i might be grapsing for air but a little part of me wants to just milk that for what it's worth. but still she ran textbook 101 game on me...
- the whole virgin bit...which i never really believed. Chick was on some Old Testament shit...i found it refreshing to be honest...but sex...as a 22 year old, if i cant have sex with a girl, then it's gonna get weird. she told me she never got that impression from me that i was just all about that...and i wasnt...but still, i had to laugh at that. i'm 22 with a dick and raging hormones lmao...the fuck you think i wanna do?
- the familial shit...she had a grasp of the sort of girls i dealt with before, so she was a VERY pleasant alternative.
- all this marriage shit...swear to God, this bitch called my phone at 12 midnight on my b-day talking this marriage/kids shit...so i asked her why; she says she doesnt know why...
that type of shit. Chicks telling you shit they dont even believe themselves. then you get mad at yourself like "What could i have done better?"....if a person goes their own way after knowing how you are, it's on them...the shit that got me with her...was the quiet, stay at home type shit going on...the way the company's going, we'll be at music industry events...and i HATE the primadonna attitude...i'm down to earth.and i'm approachable (she was right that i should smile more, and i have since we last talked lol)...but i've been to some of these events...and people take themselves too serious...esp the females. so she was a counterbalance to that.
still though, the shit is real...i'm gonna be spending long days at the office so......fuck it...it takes sacrifice to make shit work...
i aint so much mad anymore...cuz the company's shaping up pretty well...i just hate working on "industry" time lol....i need to hit the gym again...the stress of the company's kicking my ass... but I stay on my grind, never stop for bitches
so, this is what happens when you open up to a female who complained about Black men (they all do nowadays IMO), had a good one, and drove him away. Whoever's reading this...i wasnt perfect..i was VERY hotheaded when i felt like it....very brooding and almost too strategic....but i always made time for her....even when i didnt feel like it....it's funny...i'm not a bad guy..after i saw my parents situation, i have a big emphasis on loyalty...i cheated once in my life on my first....but this shortyk i knew it as something cuz i couldnt even talk to another shorty w/o feeling some type of way..sure i got #s and contacts..but i never really went all the way...all you cats out there..DONT put your eggs in one basket until you're sure she's ready and she verbally agrees that she is...i'm glad i took the risk though, instead of wondering what coulda been...
i listened to her problems....shared dreams and aspirations..though i never fully felt comfortable talking about the company...but that's just me making sure i aint a meal ticket...cried when i talked about my family...spent time with the bitch...was patient...delicate...we'll see if she was just talking a good one with all that "longterm" shit...even then....she's still friends with 2 of her exes that i know of so even that holds no validity to me at this point
and people say pimps are misogynistic..but this is America....capitalism rules...it's logic over emotions in ALL aspects of life...i quote Pimpin Ken:"If a chick'll leave her mama, she'll definitely leave a pimp. Mother had em, mother fuck em".
Us "good" black men...maybe it's a rite of passage that we go through...to get shitted on like my nigga Nas said in his verse on "Sincerity"..it's like a cycle we go through...good dude gets shitted on by a chick he's feeling, gets callous, distrusts other females he meets, a good one gets turned out cuz of it and she puts the shit on another potentially good dude....
part of me loves her, though i could never tell her that...at least not yet...but the callous side of me is winning right now...it's sort of a business move to me on her part...but the disrespect of my time, THEN telling me while i'm down there and i didnt know before, that "As long as i'm down there, it's all business"....that shit pissed me the fuck off..esp having your own company and starting up, a lotta time is involved...and i'm one of them cats who looks like he's never doing anything, but i'm analyzing, plotting, observing shit ALL the time. that weekend coulda got me some $ at my other job as well. i never felt threatened by her job...because i've worked at corporate offices with Sony my first time around...and especially as a minority, you need to go above and beyond the call of duty to prove yourself.. so i understod EXACTLY where she's coming from. yet and still, if you want people in your life, you'll make time for them. that has yet TBD.
so fuck it. if she comes back, she does...if not, she's dead to me. i've deaded chicks before...and not just on some we'll be friends. If we stop talking, we stop talking completely...and if i stop talking to a female even as a friend, it's usually for a good reason. so balls in her court...
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
still though, the shit is real...i'm gonna be spending long days at the office so......fuck it...it takes sacrifice to make shit work...
i aint so much mad anymore...cuz the company's shaping up pretty well...i just hate working on "industry" time lol....i need to hit the gym again...the stress of the company's kicking my ass... but I stay on my grind, never stop for bitches
so, this is what happens when you open up to a female who complained about Black men (they all do nowadays IMO), had a good one, and drove him away. Whoever's reading this...i wasnt perfect..i was VERY hotheaded when i felt like it....very brooding and almost too strategic....but i always made time for her....even when i didnt feel like it....it's funny...i'm not a bad guy..after i saw my parents situation, i have a big emphasis on loyalty...i cheated once in my life on my first....but this shortyk i knew it as something cuz i couldnt even talk to another shorty w/o feeling some type of way..sure i got #s and contacts..but i never really went all the way...all you cats out there..DONT put your eggs in one basket until you're sure she's ready and she verbally agrees that she is...i'm glad i took the risk though, instead of wondering what coulda been...
i listened to her problems....shared dreams and aspirations..though i never fully felt comfortable talking about the company...but that's just me making sure i aint a meal ticket...cried when i talked about my family...spent time with the bitch...was patient...delicate...we'll see if she was just talking a good one with all that "longterm" shit...even then....she's still friends with 2 of her exes that i know of so even that holds no validity to me at this point
and people say pimps are misogynistic..but this is America....capitalism rules...it's logic over emotions in ALL aspects of life...i quote Pimpin Ken:"If a chick'll leave her mama, she'll definitely leave a pimp. Mother had em, mother fuck em".
Us "good" black men...maybe it's a rite of passage that we go through...to get shitted on like my nigga Nas said in his verse on "Sincerity"..it's like a cycle we go through...good dude gets shitted on by a chick he's feeling, gets callous, distrusts other females he meets, a good one gets turned out cuz of it and she puts the shit on another potentially good dude....
part of me loves her, though i could never tell her that...at least not yet...but the callous side of me is winning right now...it's sort of a business move to me on her part...but the disrespect of my time, THEN telling me while i'm down there and i didnt know before, that "As long as i'm down there, it's all business"....that shit pissed me the fuck off..esp having your own company and starting up, a lotta time is involved...and i'm one of them cats who looks like he's never doing anything, but i'm analyzing, plotting, observing shit ALL the time. that weekend coulda got me some $ at my other job as well. i never felt threatened by her job...because i've worked at corporate offices with Sony my first time around...and especially as a minority, you need to go above and beyond the call of duty to prove yourself.. so i understod EXACTLY where she's coming from. yet and still, if you want people in your life, you'll make time for them. that has yet TBD.
so fuck it. if she comes back, she does...if not, she's dead to me. i've deaded chicks before...and not just on some we'll be friends. If we stop talking, we stop talking completely...and if i stop talking to a female even as a friend, it's usually for a good reason. so balls in her court...
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Hurt
i'm so hurt...i'll explain tomorrow...first day at the office...went well but my situation made me brood about it all day.
