"It started from hunger, til it all went insane
Now bitches notice the chains now that I hit my number
The chickens I twisted see the digits unlisted
The beeper done changed; you dead bitch, the Reaper done came"...

i want a PR Chick...might poly with my girl Jacki


Currently playing "Lucky Me"..fits my mood now

Well i lately i've been realizing how selfish i am....had a long talk about the issue with my best son told me some real stuff just had me thinkin about the whole issue....

basically, i feel underappreciated...i've always been the type to operate under the radar and not be out there. it's just that i just feel that if i make time and effort to invest in something i WANT it to be what i WANT it to be. huge control freak and i'm calculating. my boy said truthfully that i'm too controlling/stubborn. i do have a hard time accepting when things dont go my way. also with this IMG situation, i'm kinda bringing that competitive aspect into this situation...i operate better that way...but i just feel like i've been goin outta my way to accommodate a losing situation. I just feel like i' not ready for a situation right now but i made an investment and dont wanna back out. i'm always been bad at accepting defeat...i have to work for everything i get and i just cant accept being a second option or being # 2. i do admit i got a huge selfish meanstreak but overall i mean well. it's like i'm putting myself out there to a certain degree and not getting anywhere..i'ma just have a nice heart to heart with shorty today.

i might need to take another hiatus and clear my mind of all this bullshit. it's like i'm just overreacting to this whole situation. it's like we're both running the game on each other...the whole "I'm busy" routine, is what is it is. gonna bring this shit to a halt.

def need to expand my options to something other than girls with boyfriends. i honestly think that that's the root of my trust issues with females or at least part of it. i know how some of the girls i've talked to had men and were down for whatever. and it's like me being a person of extremes, it's hard cuz i'm always either black or white. no grey area with me. either i'm goin hard or i aint going @ all. if i'm gonna do something, i'ma do the shit big. it's like part of me is gonna go TOTALLY nuts when i meet new chicks, and the other side is kinda hesitant to make that move. i just woke up on some OTHER shit today like i'ma just bring this shit to what i want it to be. and if it aint my way or we cant compromise, there's no reason for me to even poly like that. i'm thinking with my heart and not my mind. cause my mind told me to just keep it focused on another chick. i KNOW with the way i am..once i meet someone new, this one is done for. it's just the way i am. it's like "We aint talkin, so there's no reason for us to talk @ all"...i have female friends but that's all they strictly are, cuz we established that from jump. she was a friend from before but on some "Hi, bye" type with my trust issues, i dont wanna open up too much.

so the iron wall is there.

When It's On, It's On

Denis was fuckin with my blog..

time for a change of pace....gonna get a shapeup tomorrow and actively look for new recruits.


I am going through a headache...

was BORED @ work today. it's terrible cuz i usually knock out all my work within the first hour of me getting it....when i say all my work, i mean ALL my work for the day. there's usually nothing for me to do. the project managers who handle releases never have stuff for me to do so i just poly...i hate to just be online doing nothing, but it doesnt look like anythings gonna be changing soon

saw her today...not to sound mushy and shit, but she gets prettier every time i see her. me being me, i never tell her that, but i do say "You look nice today" or "I like your hair. it's a good look". for all the distance that i can show a female, i've learned that even those little things count to the female psyche. i kinda did miss her and i've been active myself. so it did make me feel better to see her. i cant wait to kiss her again. this is the only female i could see myself actually being "decent" for. i dont care. right now, she's set the standard of what a female in my life has to offer. so any other chick i talk to has to meet her standard or come better. never would tell her that though. females should only know so much about how you feel about them (in the courting stage anyway). I still have my instincts about when a female is playing a dude. i've seen too many cats get open and get shitted on. it's like for every 3 hours you spend together you gotta spend 3 days after that not calling or talking to her. i was shocked she texted me after the first date saying how much she liked it and all that. i dont call after first dates or text so it was what it was.

busy as FUCK..gotta type up a 800 word opinion editorial, work on a PSA for class, rewrite this goddamn pitch letter i save a seperate file over and write a draft of what we're gonna say when we call these campuses.

11 year release date anniversary of one of the illest rap CDs (arguably illest rap double CD) that's ever been released to the general public. RIP Frank White. Life After Death....