i feel WAYYYYYYYYYY better....had a meeting with a young lady from Atlantic Records who's in the Video Promo department...my man Chris set it all up, so i owe him one..the meeting went EXTREMELY well...so we're just gonna get the ball rolling on that...currently drafting website design ideas, so as to map everything out...i feel a bout of workaholism coming on for this weekend...yet i'm going ot Mandy's BBQ and seeing my grandaunt on Sunday...and that's supposed to be the day of rest
having my own company at 22?...it's a blast, but requires a TON of sacrifce..my boys want me to come chill and all that but i just got in a while ago and i dont feel like doing anything but blogging and playing Gears of War and watching The Wire and IMing and...!!!! ahh the life of a busy man...also...i'm giving up the weed and dark liquors for now..straight Heniekens and soda when it social events.
shorty called last night...kept it to about 3 minutes...my rage still hasnt subsided fully...and i'm the type to just say my mind recklessly when i'm upset so....i kept it brief. she called again this morning but w/e...i still like her but if she aint ready, no need to force it. it is what it is...
im feeling myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brush that dirt off!!!
took a L with shorty...i loved her but it just aint poppin right now....she's busy, i'm busy...seemed to use my work as an excuse for us not to talk....had a long talk on Monday....deleted her # right after that...talking all this "I'm busy" shit...i'm busy but i made time for her because i liked what she brought to the table....wouldnt be shocked if she met someone or if someone's putting the battery in her back. my dilemna is:"Do I take her back after she's done doing whatever she's doing?"....or "Do I just completely ice her outta my life?" i NEVER talk to any of my exes...too much headaches and shit. she was determined to be in my life or w/e..."I want you in my life longterm and i only told that to one other guy (yeah right)"...so it's on her...i deleted her # and texts, but i'll know her # when i see it.
the part that i'm trying not to let gas me is that she says she'll be studying for a financial test in December just so i know...i might be grapsing for air but a little part of me wants to just milk that for what it's worth. but still she ran textbook 101 game on me...
the whole virgin bit...which i never really believed. Chick was on some Old Testament shit...i found it refreshing to be honest...but sex...as a 22 year old, if i cant have sex with a girl, then it's gonna get weird. she told me she never got that impression from me that i was just all about that...and i wasnt...but still, i had to laugh at that. i'm 22 with a dick and raging hormones lmao...the fuck you think i wanna do?
the familial shit...she had a grasp of the sort of girls i dealt with before, so she was a VERY pleasant alternative.
all this marriage shit...swear to God, this bitch called my phone at 12 midnight on my b-day talking this marriage/kids shit...so i asked her why; she says she doesnt know why...
that type of shit. Chicks telling you shit they dont even believe themselves. then you get mad at yourself like "What could i have done better?"....if a person goes their own way after knowing how you are, it's on them...the shit that got me with her...was the quiet, stay at home type shit going on...the way the company's going, we'll be at music industry events...and i HATE the primadonna attitude...i'm down to earth.and i'm approachable (she was right that i should smile more, and i have since we last talked lol)...but i've been to some of these events...and people take themselves too serious...esp the females. so she was a counterbalance to that.
still though, the shit is real...i'm gonna be spending long days at the office so......fuck it...it takes sacrifice to make shit work...
i aint so much mad anymore...cuz the company's shaping up pretty well...i just hate working on "industry" time lol....i need to hit the gym again...the stress of the company's kicking my ass... but I stay on my grind, never stop for bitches
so, this is what happens when you open up to a female who complained about Black men (they all do nowadays IMO), had a good one, and drove him away. Whoever's reading this...i wasnt perfect..i was VERY hotheaded when i felt like it....very brooding and almost too strategic....but i always made time for her....even when i didnt feel like it....it's funny...i'm not a bad guy..after i saw my parents situation, i have a big emphasis on loyalty...i cheated once in my life on my first....but this shortyk i knew it as something cuz i couldnt even talk to another shorty w/o feeling some type of way..sure i got #s and contacts..but i never really went all the way...all you cats out there..DONT put your eggs in one basket until you're sure she's ready and she verbally agrees that she is...i'm glad i took the risk though, instead of wondering what coulda been...
i listened to her problems....shared dreams and aspirations..though i never fully felt comfortable talking about the company...but that's just me making sure i aint a meal ticket...cried when i talked about my family...spent time with the bitch...was patient...delicate...we'll see if she was just talking a good one with all that "longterm" shit...even then....she's still friends with 2 of her exes that i know of so even that holds no validity to me at this point
and people say pimps are misogynistic..but this is America....capitalism rules...it's logic over emotions in ALL aspects of life...i quote Pimpin Ken:"If a chick'll leave her mama, she'll definitely leave a pimp. Mother had em, mother fuck em".
Us "good" black men...maybe it's a rite of passage that we go through...to get shitted on like my nigga Nas said in his verse on "Sincerity"..it's like a cycle we go through...good dude gets shitted on by a chick he's feeling, gets callous, distrusts other females he meets, a good one gets turned out cuz of it and she puts the shit on another potentially good dude....
part of me loves her, though i could never tell her that...at least not yet...but the callous side of me is winning right now...it's sort of a business move to me on her part...but the disrespect of my time, THEN telling me while i'm down there and i didnt know before, that "As long as i'm down there, it's all business"....that shit pissed me the fuck off..esp having your own company and starting up, a lotta time is involved...and i'm one of them cats who looks like he's never doing anything, but i'm analyzing, plotting, observing shit ALL the time. that weekend coulda got me some $ at my other job as well. i never felt threatened by her job...because i've worked at corporate offices with Sony my first time around...and especially as a minority, you need to go above and beyond the call of duty to prove yourself.. so i understod EXACTLY where she's coming from. yet and still, if you want people in your life, you'll make time for them. that has yet TBD.
so fuck it. if she comes back, she does...if not, she's dead to me. i've deaded chicks before...and not just on some we'll be friends. If we stop talking, we stop talking completely...and if i stop talking to a female even as a friend, it's usually for a good reason. so balls in her court...
