Low Expectations....

I'm in my crib on the day after my B-Day bumpin' "Blackout II".

My pops was supposed to take me out for my b-day...it was totally his suggestion. Duke called me yesterday talking about it so I was like ok cool.

I was out all day so I got home and called him as he said and he said he'd be here in a little while. This was @ 7 PM or so....I'm here @ 11:24...I took a nap and shit and I'm still here.

I dont expect much from people. I went out to the big homie Ebonne's party and Mandy and her friend Francesca came through. I broke my No Drinking rule and bought a bottle and just enjoyed the night

I just wish people wouldnt make promises and not come through. At least call me and bullshit me about how a hooker took your $ and you got a rancid syringe in your ass and that you wont be able to make it. I didnt ask for this. YOU suggested it. I'm sitting here with flashbacks of me from 13-18....

I'm like THIS allergic to attention, hence me not having a big party or anything. Everyone wanted one for me but I'm good. I just wanted to chill with some friends. I'm gonna just invite ppl out to Juniors and whoever comes comes. Fuck it.

Big Day

I'm 23.

I wasnt supposed to be here. Heart problems in the womb. I got past it.

I'm here now!!!!

*plays "Glory" from Confessions of Fire!!!*

For the most part it's just another day. I dunno what I'ma be doing but w/e.

I just want some jerk chicken, cheesecake and Fresca. Simple man to please.

Why I'm Single......

So...I just went through a couple of situations this weekend that made me REALLY think about why I'm single. I aint gonna get too much into some of them but they range from conversations with my boys to certain female's reactions to things I've said to them.

I'm often hit with this question: "K, you're doing a lot with your life. Why are you still single?".....

-I cant/won't lie to a female just for some ass. I was talking with my boys and one of my boys was talking about how he tells chicks anything that they wanna hear just so he could have sex with them. I told him I dont do that because 1.) said chick wont respect you when it's revealed you're a liar and 2.) I can't tell a chick I "love" her. I havent said that word to a female in like 5 years.....

-I have my well documented commitment issues. I aint gonna get into it because most of ya'll are prolly familiar but I suck @ commitment and relationships. My longest relationship was about 8 months. I just have the trait of needed constant excitement and thrills and stimulation in all aspects of my life. I also hate being in one place for too long. :-/

-I'm DEATHLY paranoid about my sexual health, often to the point of me being too direct about it.....I just had an incident where I'm just learning that my paranoia can be a blessing. Fact: when I meet a chick, and something's wrong, I ALWAYS get a weird feeling and stop talking to the chick. It then comes out somehow that shorty was a smut or got burnt or something along those lines. I just had an incident where I just realized I couldnt exactly trust a chick I was talking to
because i wanted to get tested with her and this chick was basically frontin'. I took it for what it was. Granted, I'm not the most patient individual when it comes to those matters but w/e. People were like I overreacted cuz its a touchy subject. Ummm, last time I checked, we were all adults and sex is an adult activity. Adults are also responsible enough to be upfront and honest. It's only a touchy subject if you got something to hide. Like chicks always complain guys just want sex, but when we try to be responsible about it, it's another problem cuz of "trust".

So I went to get tested today.. I'm good and it wasnt as nerve wracking as I thought it was gonna be.

All in all, I just want to be understood. I was watching a video where this guy was saying how women always try to make men seem like their intentions are bad simply because they dont line up with theirs. Extremely true.

I just like my space. I SUCK @ relationships. :-/