Two Part Blog: What I DON'T Like In A Woman


Thanks for all the positive feedback I got my the first part to this entry. This one is gonna be a bit more touchy and sensitive. We're all adults so put your pampers away and dont cry.We're gonna get to my personal dislikes. This is all my opinion. If you dont like it, too bad. :-)

I have standards. There are just certain things that I dont budge on and that are near, if not, total dealbreakers to me. I'm a person of extremes and I'm usually understanding, but there's just certain things that are totally unattractive to me.....

Before you all think I'm coming down on females, you gotta understand where I'm coming from. In my 7 year dating experience, I've seen a LOT of wild shit and avoided situations that could've been BAD. I've learned the art of playing "armchair psychologist" and get to understand why some of the females that i meet think the way they do. I like understanding people and how they tick. I like having the ability to bring things out of people that are considered sensitive. I just like to read and analyze people for sport.

All it makes me is cautious and selective of who I date and "such". My family (ie female relatives) and just common sense formulate a lot of why I think the way I do in relation to the opposite sex. Not only that, but as stated before, I have a great group of women in my life (shoutouts to the Madrinas; you know who you are) who give me their honest opinions on women I meet and date. It may not be what I want to hear at the particular time, but there's no one to take advice about women from than another woman.

So, here goes. If you get offended, too bad.

  • Insecurity/Male attention deficit disorder/Lying is the top turnoff: I'm not talking insecurity about body type. I can make jokes out of anything and just divert attention or work out or shoot hoops or something. I'm talking insecurity about my female friends. Between Stas and my "sister"(both of whom are very attractive women), I've dealt with a myriad of questions from females I date about them.  All fair, I asked questions too and if you dont ask anything, you wont get an answer to anything, but those two females are gonna be in my life as long as I'm alive and I wont be subjected to anyone I date feeling any type of way about it for three specific reasons (if not more). (1.) Those women were in the picture before girl of interest (GOI) was and will be there after GOI leaves.(2.) They prolly see right through GOI's usually stankin' ass and tip me off to hoe tendencies GOI has that I, being a male, may not really have the insight to see. Females and males communicate on two different levels and females know other females all too well so two heads are definitely better than one. (3.) They're human and prone to error, but I actually trust their intentions wholeheartedly. I'm extremely guarded, especially emotionally (a lotta reasons).....One thing I have seen is that these females who complain usually have a MILLION "guy friends" (Immediate red flag: some of these cats I dont even get introduced to which is an immediate red flag. It's like they come out of thin air on some Nightcrawler shit. I'm even more suspicious if GOI doesnt introduce me to her female friends.) and one common thread that I notice in retrospect was that they usually had some male attention deficit issue. I actually had a few interesting "experiences" with some of the few females that I've dated and all I can really say is that "No one can tell me shit". I'm not an insecure person because I tend to trust people as far as I can throw them and I've trained myself to go with my gut. "Guy friends" are gonna be what they are. I'm not a simp type of dude who has to console some chick's fragile ego by being at her beck and call and leaving a billion and one comments on her online profiles; however, a lotta cats aint built like that and they assume that's the only way to get in with a female. Sadly, a lotta females have no template of male leadership so they dont know how to deal with males and assume any guy giving them attention is worth their time. If I have female friends, I can honestly say that i dont have any feelings for her or she's just a cool person to be around. Things like insecurity are a HUGE turnoff, ESPECIALLY if said female is unaware of the fact that damn near all of her "guy friends" would tear her back out if given the chance. If you're gonna be an attention whore, at least be a smart one and know how the game goes. I can honestly say that every girl I dated with more male friends than female friends or who acted funny about my female friends have had some funnystyle shit come out after the fact that I found out. It's like one of those "I KNEW SHE WAS SUSPECT!!!" moments happen (I wont air them out) and you laugh about it.....I've been on the other end where a female friend's BF thought I was hittin it or something so I know how it goes, but I'm the upfront type. If there were any intentions, they would have been exposed a long time ago. I respect the game and people's relationships, so I know when/where to draw lines....Do unto others...
  • Fake "good girls". "Too many bitches wanna be ladies, so if you a ho, I'ma call you a ho/Too many bitches is shady.": Double standard aside, I believe in honesty. Dont blame me. I didnt make the shit up and I aint on the recieving end of it, so I could care less :-p..but as stated before, it's a double edged sword. But if you're gonna be a smut, dont act like you're a nun. I ALWAYS find out some shit; either a Freudian slip or a confession or something. I always remember things as well and I like seeing if consistency is there.You dont have even have to be sloppy, you can be well-kept and still do you. People are creatures of habit. There are little idiosyncracies in personality that will betray themselves. Like any other man, I've probably dated/have dated girls with questionable pasts. I just wish those girls were upfront with me. With social networking sites, it gets REALLY interesting. But all in all, I'm an understanding person. As stated above, it's usually some male attention deficit that drives them to have done some of the things they've done. Cool. But dont go quoting Scripture when you've had/currently are having more penis in you than Hollywood's most active pornstar. There's always some detail left out ie "I kissed a guy=I blew him...I went home with him=He tore my back out".....I cant stand a religious smut. Just can't. One minute, they're talking about Psalms and the next minute they're in every dude at the club's face. Get.The.Fuck.Outta.Here.
  • The "I'm a model/singer...I don't go out a lot....groupie denial syndrome...coast on my good looks" routine: It's funny to me. I get hit with those so much, it's ridiculous. I'm not cosigning no one who aint legit because I look like a idiot who doesnt know what he's talking about AND (1.) That's the LAST thing I wanna hear. I actually know professional models  and singers and it's not just a title or something you wanna throw around. It's not as glamorous as one would think, especially for females. It takes a lot of discipline and practice at those respective crafts and (2.)I'm in marketing. It's a helluva hustle. I know when I'm being hustled, I just dont say anything. I just want to relate to a female on a personal level, not what she does or aspires to do. I'd rather her just say "I'm a student" if she's in school or something like that. I was a student for 4.5 years. I know how it goes...The "I dont go out a lot" routine is funny to me. Im cutting back on my going out as much as winter approaches, but it's like I'd go to different lounges and see the same girls. So i'd approach and that was a common line I'd hear. I'm like "It's NYC, big city...shoot i'm here, you're here, what's up!".....there's no need to play the nun role. If you like going out, you like going out. It is what it is.....and finally, the infamous "groupie denial" syndrome. I spoke a while back about how groupies say stupid things like: "Oh, he's just a close friend of mine and we kick it." Who are you all kidding!! At least say "I've had sex with (insert rapper) and he gives me cash, bags ,etc if that's what it is...and if you're fuckin a rapper and not getting shit out of it, your hustle game is terrible or maybe he's just that cerebral and knows what type of woman you are.Sometimes you go to events, and some of the women in there won't give you the time of day unless you're a rapper or "look" like one, which is perfectly fine by me, but it's the funniest thing to see in person. I was at the Afterparty for the Hip Hop Honors and these chickenheads were in there like "Flava Flav is coming!!!" with their chests all perked out,etc. *extremely long blank stare*
  • Terrible hygiene: Sensitive topic. I dont care. I once told a girl to douche before. I have nothing to lose. I have good hygiene and I get checkups. There's no reason a female should not be going to her gynecologist regularly and taking care of her "everyday" needs. Ignorance of sexual health is a HUGE turn off to me and a definite deal breaker. I'm not gonna be a victim of someone's negligence...and I actually stopped talking to a girl I was dating because she didnt want to come to the doctor with me. Loathsome wretch. I could actually go IN on this topic...but I wont for obvious reasons. 
  • "Selectively Independent" Syndrome: I an officially on record as saying that I dislike self-proclaimed" independent women. I come from a family that has real independent women and they dont make it a point to broadcast it to the world. Beside, actions speak louder than words and I believe in consistency. Dont talk about how independent you are and then expect me to pay for dinner after YOU invite me out. At least invite me over for a home cooked meal. I'll provide good convo. It's a recession. We aint always gonna have $ to go out and we both got bills and shit. If I like a female or if it's a first date, I have no problem paying for a date. But same token, I've been victim of the "SI". It goes something like she invites me out, I meet her, we have dinner/drinks/convo and then the check comes. There's a look around and a silence so thick you can cut through it. Usually a "phone call" or "bathroom break" is taken on their part. W/e happens from there happens. I'm a man of principle. If I invite a girl out to dinner, I'll pick up the tab. If she tells me before hand of a circumstance, I can also understand and will usually pick up the tab for the next date or for drinks or something after the date. Is it that bad to expect some consistency from people who claim "independence"?
  • Finally, the "victim" mentality: I'm a resilient person. Very stubborn and bullheaded. When I'm in my zone, you cannot fuck with me at all. I'm either gonna go hard for something or I'm not gonna mess with it at all. No middle ground. No one is perfect. Life throws blows we might not be able to handle by ourselves. I've dated females with issues. I have issues. Cool. However, I know that those issues dont define me. It's a constant struggle....and you wish you were "normal"...but God/life doesnt throw things that can't be handled. I've always thought that life is what you make it. You can be a victor or a victim. I'm understanding and pretty open minded about people's experiences...but when someone constantly blames a behavioral pattern on their past, I tend to question their maturity because i know sooner or later, they're gonna blame something on me AND it's usually a conscious choice for them to act a certain way.. I'm a lawyer when I want to be anyway and I like a good debate, but it's like why waste oxygen on something YOU need to deal with. It's like Katt Williams said: "You got to be the shit to you. Stop waiting on a nigga to verify you....We tired of ya'll gettin wth us and blaming us for shit we aint even in control of....How the fuck could i fuck up about how you feel about you?"

If the shoe fits, it aint my problem. I still love ya'll. Just calling it like I see. I know what my flaws are so...

But you know what they say...if you're the common denominator. I'll be aight.

Retrospect: VH1 Hip Hop Honors

"Everything you do, do for the logo"-Lyor Cohen

This was a helluva week for me both business and personal. A lot of things got put in perspective and I learned a lot about myself and some of the people who I know. Notice I didnt say include in my inner circle....and that's for a reason, but it's another story

My right hand Stasia and I got a chance to attend the taping of the VH1 Hop Hop Honors which was a Def Jam tribute this year. (BIG shoutouts to AMC.). Off top, we were proud as it was held at the BAM right there in downtown Brooklyn. It was such surreal experience, because growing up, we always watched stuff like that on TV and then BOOM, we're sitting a few rows away from Lyor Cohen, Russell Simmons, Rick Rubin and Kevin Liles. As expected, I got a few negative comments, but to me, it's bigger than bragging rights and hobnobbing with industry folks.

I was a HUGE Def Jam head growing up. It was THE hip-hop label from Red, Meth, LL, Jay, Ja, X. I am a HUGE hip hop fan.I actually interned there at Def Jam for a few months and learned a lot on the business side of things. I'm of the opinion that if you want to be an artist or producer, you should have at least one semester's (3 months or so) worth of experience at a label so you know what to expect or have someone in your corner who's trustworthy and have been at a label.It'll be a rude awakening (if you havent been in the business) but we're all adults and God wont give you something you can't handle.

It was just crazy to see footage of Rick and Russell sitting Indian style on chairs talking about how they started Def Jam and then you got Lyor talking about the creation of the logo and how important it was to be a movement and bring people a new brand of music. Rick and Russ were hilarious in the footage as well as Lyor who sent shots to Bad Boy and Death Row, as you will see......

It put a lot in its place for me personally. I'm never really one to feel down when it comes to business because there's always an "in" if you look hard enough AND if you know the right people; not only that, but things always pop up anyway. It was more like a jolt of energy that's making us want to work harder and do what we gotta do to make an impact. This shit isn't a job. It's a way of life and we treat it as such. When you go to "work", that's all it's a paycheck and you leave work at your "job". When it's a passion and a lifestyle you're active in, you will give your best shot time after time and that in turn will make your work stand out amongst others. Your mind is constantly thinking of new shit to execute....

Sure you got the industry events where you get to mingle and network. (Keep in mind, it's NOT about networks, it's about relationships). You drink with the open bars provided by liquor companies half the people in there dont even care about getting contacts from for sponsorships of future events. You got your circle in there who you see regularly at events and you shake hands, make jokes and talk shit. Then, you got your groupies and eye candy. I dont knock it. Everyone serves their purpose. As long as no one's in denial, it's all good. The free food never hurts either as well as gift bags....

But in the long run, I really only could care about going to an event with a purpose in mind.

Dont get me wrong. I like meeting new people and attending events. I like free food. Liquor sabbatical is over, so that's always a plus. And dont get me started on attractive young women. I'm 23 and I'm single, so throw me a bone here. :-X

But to me it's like "Fuck all of this superficial shit". I dont need it. I've never owned a chain or studs. I'd wear sweatpants and Nikes for life if I could. I always worked for whatever I had, and I held multiple jobs and internships throughout college...sometimes a job/internship at the same time. I'm from Flatbush, Brooklyn...a 23 year old product of a broken home...made a ton of mistakes and done a lotta dumb shit...But when it comes down to the wire, I dont need a lot to get busy. Some would definitely call me an overachiever and that's their opinion. Cool. Some people also call me an asshole (I'm too familiar with that one), which is even better. I just like that I get a reaction from people. Its better than not being remembered.

25 years. Lord willing, I cant wait to see myself at 48. Stas and I often joke about it...Even now, we laugh at some of the stuff we've been through in the year+ that we have under our belt and how we've grown both on a personal and business level.

It's about mastery of circumstance. You can only control what your reaction to a situation is. Take it from me.

I'm inspired. Let's make history. See ya'll at the top.

Hova on Oprah

Hate Rehashing material...but this is inspirational

A Look At NBA 2K10

If you still play Live, step your game up. Will cop.

Two Part Blog: What I Like In A Woman....

*This is the first part of a two part blog*

People often ask me what I look for in a woman. I come from a family of strong Black women and all of my female friends have quality traits about them so I have some idea of what I'd like my ideal mate to be like. The reason I say "semblance" is because I never had a dream girl and I dont believe in that. If there's anything life has taught me about human nature, it's that I shouldn't expect anything from anyone. People are human and are as prone to failure as you are so you gotta take things for what they are.

I constantly meet females who're extremely attractive and one of the common things from them I get is "You need a girl who can (insert whatever said female thinks can make me happy)". I'm like any other man. I like a fairly attractive female with a good head on her shoulders who hasnt been around the block too many times. Here's my top 5 turnons a woman can possess in no order. Disclaimer: I can do all of these things or possess these traits. I dont want things in people I cannot do myself.

  • She must know how to cook. I have a terrible diet as I'm always out of the house and I come from a family of culinary "experts". Put it like this, if she can't hang with my moms or Aunt Carmen, she has her work cut out for her. I can cook and am good at picking up new recipes.
  • Competitive edge but knows how/when to be my girl. I'm an entrepreneur so I'm always looking for things to advance my hustle. However, when I'm with my girl, I like to just chill and it be us. I dont want a girl who constantly brings the battles from the workplace into our personal time. I'm supportive (unless my girl wants to do porn...then I have to turn into a manager for that 20%) and I understand that hustlers attract hustlers. The past few females I have dated have had things going on for themselves and it's a major turn on for a female to know that I'm NOT trying to take the place of her workplace rival.
  • Confidence. I have a lot of female friends and I'm in a business with TONS of physically attractive women. Trust me, if I wanted to get at them, I would have a long time ago. Personally, I think a lot of females are used to being around guys who try to sleep with every girl they come across, regardless of chemistry, so they sort of have a defense up against every guy they meet. My two closest friends are like sisters to me. I can sort of respect it because I'm a guy and I get over girls I date having "male friends". People are gonna do what they want, so fuck it, but the same respect I give is the same respect I demand. I cant front, females talking to their ex is a touchy subject..but I talk to former girls I talked to here and there so it is what it is. Girls have asked me if I have sex with my female friends and when I answer, they look at me like I just vomited dog food (Dont ask a question you dont want an honest answer to. Not saying I do and not saying I don't). Sheesh. However, my experience has taught me that females who dislike my female friends tend to be suspect and I can always count on my girls to let me know about girls I'm dating.
  • Resilience. I hate sob stories. Hate them with the fury of 1000 Vikings coming to plunder a village. I've dealt with a lot of females with personal battles so I know how to empathize, but I draw the line with them using said experiences as a crutch or them trying to manipulate me by using their excuse as a reason to act out. I just hate when people can't make the best of their situations. Especially, coming from a family where single mothers have raised their children to be successful responsible adults. I'm a survivor by nature anyway (survived a near fatal heart condition in the womb) so.......
  • Knows how to let me have my personal time. Put it like this, if I like a female I'll make effort to see her, but I like each time to be dope. It doesnt even have to be some dynamic ass date. (I'm also not keen on females inviting me out with no intention to pay. I'm usually an understanding person but it's just when I hear the words "independent",  usually it turns out to be the contrary, but I digress.) I'm used to always being out of the house doing something, so personal time is sort of rare for me. I'm always somewhere or another so when I wanna just chill and go for a walk, I hope that it's understood. I try to stay in contact to at least see how their day was so....

What do ya'll like?

I Miss Biggie Smalls...

Summertime 1994. Bed -Stuy, Brooklyn (Chauncey Street). I was 8 years old. A curious youngster with an appetite for mischief and tormenting girls I liked by doing things like knocking ice cream cones out of their hands.

My older cousins used to rock with this cat Biggie Smalls religiously. You name it, they had it. Posters, tapes, magazines.....The single I'd later come to know as "Juicy" blared from their speakers frequently with the flipped Mtume sample providing a backdrop for Chris Wallace to paint his picture of success for inner city denizens....

Fast forward to Summer 1997. I'm now 11 years old at a family BBQ STILL tormenting girls. B.I.G. had died before the album had come out but the first single from "No Way Out" aired on MTV. I didnt have cable @ the time, so I always soaked up the chance to go to my family/friend's houses and watch music videos and the cartoons that my classmates had always talked about. I always like engaging videos (even at a young age) and this video captured me from the jump.

Something was wrong. The dominating voice did not have a presence to match it visually. I sorta just shrugged it off. Typical of me, even till now. I was engaged by the Danny Devito cameo and the Blade Runner allusions as well as Busta Rhymes shrieking....

IMO, this song, "Victory", contains B.I.G.'s most lyrically adept bars. Even to this day, I get chills listening to the dramatic build up and B.I.G. getting ready to execute verbal perfection. Top 5 B.I.G. song-EVER:

"Excellence is my presence, never tense, never hesitant, leave a nigga bent real quick/Real sick, brawl nights, I perform like Mike ,anyone-Tyson, Jordan, Jackson, Action, pack guns, ridiculous/And Im quick to bust if my ends you touch/Kids or girl you touch, in this world I clutch /Two auto-matos, used to call me fatso Now you call me castro, my rap flows/Militant, yall faggots aint killin shit, Ooops cristal keep spillin shit, you overdid it homes"

It all began here. I listen to this album and it just brings back memories of the times. It is a visceral album-full of ambition ("Juicy"), lyrical dexterity ("Unbelievable", "The What" featuring Method Man as the only guest star of the entire album) and the consciousness of an inner city young Black male who admittedly did not keep to the straight and narrow ("Gimme The Loot", "Suicidal Thoughts").

The instrumentals were provided by DJ Premier, Easy Mo Bee, and Puff, among others....certified classic. The public agrees and the album gets critical acclaim and multiplatinum sales.

1997. B.I.G had gone through a lot. A marriage to Faith Evans. So called beef with you know who. Carrying the entire borough of Brooklyn AND the East Coast on his back. Awards and critical acclaim.

Pressure to live up to "Ready To Die". Puff's perfectionist approach. Crew love and looking for out for his family. Conflict with other rappers (Jeru The Damaga, Rae/Ghost, Nas).

All of these factors formed the masterpiece that is "Life After Death". I spent my Saturday listening to the album from start to finish and I'm convinced that had B.I.G. is arguably THE Greatest Rapper Of All Time-and that's from a die hard Jay-Z fan. 24 tracks-with arguably the greatest songs ever to close an rap album ("Sky's The Limit", "My Downfall", the scathing "Long Kiss Goodnight" and "You're Nobody (Till Somebody Kills You)").

The collabs were on point especially "Last Day" featuring The LOX and "Fuckin' You Tonight" featuring R.Kelly. I'd say the top three songs on the album (no order) were

  • "Notorious Thugs": B.I.G took the BTNH style of delivery and flipped it with superb breath control and command.
  • "Story To Tell": Best story telling track ever? Well it's gotta be up there. The attention to detail is second to none. The ending dialogue between B.I.G. and his friends has to be some of the funniest audio ever record. "I used to fuck with her cousin, but you aint know that!"...what a good friend
  • "Sky's The Limit": obvious reasons.

"Long Kiss Goodnight". Brutal. Reportedly the song was not addressing Tupac Shakur...but when you listen to the lyrics and Puff's frantic speaks for itself. It's up there with "Who Shot Ya", "Kick In The Door" and "Victory" for me.....

Very well rounded album. Diamond. 1 of 3 rap albums to garner such sales and is the second best selling rap album of all time. Nominated for 3 Grammys in 1998. Posthumous release as B.I.G. rests in power on March 9th, 1997.

To this day, I dont think anyone can go toe to toe with B.I.G. Jay-z obviously has the track record...but it's been said that if B.I.G. was alive, we'd be listening to hip hop through Morse Code. From what I've seen, B.I.G. sorta wanted to get out of the game and there was a rumor of a triple album in the works. Imagine.

I miss Biggie Smalls. Thanks for reading.

Goodies: I have for you all the XXL article about the making of "Ready To Die" and the making of "Life After Death"

Bed Stuy's Finest taking one last trip through his hood. We'll always love Big Poppa

^ Copped that book last year. I've read it multiple times and each time it's gotten better. It gave insight into Chris Wallace, the man, as opposed to the Notorious B.I.G....

  • B.I.G. used to eat, sleep and "BS" in the studio before recording his verses. He did not write his verses on paper. For the man to write songs like "Kick In The Door", "Story To Tell" and ESPECIALLY "Notorious Thugs" IN HIS HEAD, I'm amazed.
  • B.I.G. seemed to know that he was not going to live for long.
  • B.I.G. never learned how to drive, leaving that duty up to Faith Evans or Little Cease. He got into an accident and his time in rehab gave him time to reflect on his life to that point.

There's more but I suggest you all get the book and read for yourself. :-)

I also have some ill shit for you all to DL if you havent already. Here's the "Original Version" of "Ready To Die" plus some bonus tracks, including a dope freestyle B.I.G. did for Pepsi.