The Anti-Momma's Boy

My mother and I have a "unique" relationship. Sometimes, I swear I'm adopted. She's not a bad mother. I just don't get along with her most of the time.

I look like my pops so it gets even better. I aint gonna get too much into it, but I feel like I get the brunt of her unresolved issues because I remind her of him. He even said it himself that I act exactly like how he did at age 22, down to the doing things my own way and not opening up to people.....

I've always been the more "own way ish" out of the three of us. My sister was literally a genius....she's WAY more introverted than I am. I was always the cerebral yet adventurous one but my 18+ years are marked by me being more self absorbed and nonchalant. My brother is more charismatic and relatable than I am. I'm sort of the evil genius of the group. Always cooking up something, always up to something and just always out and about.

From jump, I've always been different. More extroverted when I was younger. It's more noticeable because I'm probably the most stubborn of us. I take more after my pops physically (dead ringer) and personality wise.

I dunno what it is....I just cant get along with my moms. She doesnt seem to understand me at all. She often used to joke that I was adopted. Now I wouldnt be surprised if I am. Bugging me about the company, not realizing the most small businesses take about 3-4 year years to realize a profit. I just never felt like she ever believed in me. I'm a creature of reaction as is. I just dont have the best relationship with her at all. She seems to think I'm a failure because I'm graduating this September after wrapping up this last summer course. I'm good with her not believing in me, because I'm used to being the underdog. She's always comparing me to other people's children, not realizing that those people's situations are relative to them and our situation is what it is. Would my dad actually doing something more than being a talking Book of Proverbs help out? Yes, but I'd rather not go there. I learned not to count on him for shit.

I dont even know what I want from her. I dont want it to be that she gets sick and I somehow get this epiphany that I shoulda been a better son, but at the same time, I'm extremely able to carry a grudge for a minute and I remember comments/things people say from years back. I dunno....and her side of the family is all female so I hear it the worst from them. Then for the past 7 years, she has a habit of running to our neighbor and they both tell each other their business. I'd rather my privacy and business not being out there. All this over me being one summer course away from graduation.

This is one of the reasons why I'm always out the house or just walking around somewhere for the hell of it.. I really only like coming home to eat,sleep, shit and handle what I gotta handle online. It's another reason why I like turning up my Ipod to full volume and just tuning people out.

Gee, I wish my dad were here to balance this out. It's like I gotta be both a husband and a son sometimes and listen to her rant and rave about stuff that affects her. It's really unfair to me when I think about it. There's stuff a husband should be there for to support his wife through. Some stuff aint meant for a son to be exposed to. Sue me for being apathetic. I said that when we went out the other day as a "family", it felt so artificial. I havent felt so patchmade in my life.

It's like nothing works to calm her but sewing. This is also another reason why I don't go to church. When everything went down, they told her not to get a divorce, so it's like all this stuff was going on with no closure. They didnt mind us moving out, but did they check to see how us 3 were doing emotionally? No! Yet, she goes there every Sunday paying tithes and listening to a preacher amongst the crowd of other single mothers with children who dont attend for whatever reason.

So I guess what they say about your relationship with your mom being a direct indicator of your relationship with women in your life might have some truth. I'm down by a lot then

I know I sound like a selfish asshole but damn.....

They Can't Fuck With Raekwon.....


This album is 14 years me it's the blueprint for coke rap. Kool G Rap started the Mafioso rap, but IMO Rae (with Ghostface Killah being the co-star) just took that type of rap to new heights. Rae was consistent even down to the marketing plan, in which he sold the album in a purple case to differentiate it from other rap albums. This is akin to dealers selling their product with different color tops for customers to differentiate it from rival products.

Spittin' Wu dialect, 5 Percenter slang and the vision of the inner city struggle from his POV, Rae provides a visual canvas. Like most Wu members rap lyrics, Rae's verses take a few listens for you to actually get what he's saying-if you arent already used to his slang. Nas has the honor of being the only non Wu guest on this album. Ghostface steals the show occasionally but by the end of the album, you're tuned in because it's Raekwon's gruff, disgruntled vocals that draw you in. Instead of saying "We could shoot it out for the bread", Rae says "They got guns, got guns too/What up Son Do? Wanna battle for cash and see who's Sun Tzu"....tell me that shit aint genius!!!!!!!

"Incarcerated Scarfaces" has to be one of the most grimiest tracks to have ever been recorded. The beat just makes you wanna put a hoodie and jeans on and just post up somewhere at 4 A.M. RZA produced this album and provided a sonic backdrop that embodied the NYC hoodie/Timbs thug talk of the era. Arguably, Rae/Ghost started the whole Versace/Silk shirt trend. They address cats who bite styles on the scathing "Shark Niggas" skit, where they talk about how B.I.G. bit off Nas' "Illmatic"album cover and used the concept for "Ready To Die" (subliminally). Now, it may seem funny for them so have been so upset, but this was from the era where cats had to develop their own shit to be nice. Nowadays, it's cool to be a dickrider...

I dunno if Rae heard "Kick In The Door" when B.I.G. said "Fuck that, throw bleach in your eye/Now you Braillin' it" but on "Ice Water" he says "That's life, top it all off, beef with White/Pullin' bleach out, tried to throw it in my eyesight". OB4CL was released in '95. Life After Death was released in '97...........

"Ice Cream" is in a class of its own

All in all, I fux with this album....HEAVY. shoutouts to my cousins Oneill and Marlon for puttin me onto hip hop when i was about 8 years old. They had this album and used to wear fronts and all that.

Standouts: "Knowledge God","Criminology","Incarcerated Scarfaces","Can't It All Be So Simple","Ice Water","Glaciers of Ice","Verbal Intercourse", "Ice Cream","Wu Gambinos"


1. Striving For Perfection
2. Knuckleheadz feat. Ghostface Killah and U-God
3. Knowledge God feat. Ghostface Killah
4. Criminology feat. Ghostface Killah
5. Incarcerated Scarfaces
6. Rainy Dayz feat. Blue Raspberry
7. Guillotine (Swordz) feat. Inspectah Deck
8. Can It All Be So Simple feat. Ghostface Killah
9. Shark Niggaz (Biters)
10. Ice Water feat. Ghostface Killah and Cappadonna
11. Glaciers of Ice feat. Ghostface Killah and Masta Killa
12. Verbal Intercourse feat. Nas
13. Wisdom Body feat. Ghostface Killah
14. Spot Rusherz feat. Ghostface Killah
15. Ice Cream feat. Method Man, Cappadonna and Ghostface Killah
16. Wu-Gambinos feat. Method Man, Masta Killa, RZA and Ghostface Killah
17. Heaven & Hell feat. Blue Raspberry
18. North Star (Jewels)
feat. Poppa Wu and Ol' Dirty Bastard

XXL:"Makin of 'OB4CL'"

The Source album review