I Need A Silent Partner....

Just got in from the homie Phil's crib......

No matter what I'm thankful for him and his cousin Vicki's perspectives of me and my "problems"

Their solution: Take some time off and be single and just take it from there.

Despite my sociopathic ways (not liking to be around too many ppl sometimes among other things), I have an innate need to be understood. Being liked/Not liked is cool with me because I can live with people having objective opinions.

My solution: I was @ Wealthy Hostage earlier chilling for a while and I saw Suz's dog Lola. I dunno what breed she was, but now I want a dog now. I can just chill with it and talk to it and not be looked @ funny when i say wild shit and let it run around and shit all over the place.

No seriously, I want a dog.

Bad pic, but w/e.

Pops took us out the other day....for the first time in years him and my moms went out. I felt like I was in a fake family. He didnt wanna take me to where I wanted to go but I was just like whatever so we ended up going out and having a decent time.

I aint even give a fuck where we went...

The real fun is gonna be Sat. @ Dave and Busters. I wanna see the Nugs/Lakers game. I wanted to hit a bar after so we'll just go there and bug out.


I'm a firm believer in never letting people see you sweat. Always confident, smiling, charming and endearing...

I'm cracking...It's all a facade. I struggle and it's like no one knows. The little kid who was always misunderstood is back.

It's like everything I was fighting for the past few months+this weird feeling of just being alone is back.

Normally, I was always the type to not give a fuck and just do things my way. I'm used to being a loner and keeping things on the inside as a way of dealing with my own issues. I can live with not being liked by everyone.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Maybe its cuz I think I took this incident with my pops a bit too seriously. He called me and apologized with some excuse or w/e but even so I didnt even care enough to tell him how I really felt. Maybe it's because I'm used to not opening up to him when I need him the most. Maybe it's because I've always learned things best on my own and hated when people tried to intrude on my learning process

This is partly why I'm so nonchalant and easygoing about a lot of things. If you dont care about things enough, they dont have any potential to hurt you. From females to life in general, I tend not to care about a lot.

Then seeing my "sister" with her boyfriend makes me wish I had a significant other who could at least understand me and not just be with me because of what she thinks I am. Its funny because the past few females I dated (lets say about 5) I've only felt comfortable around 2 of them.

I just want to get over my issues. Im a mess.